Ker-ry! Ker-ry! Ker-ry!

GEORGE W. BUSH
The White House, USA

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:

I attacked and took over two countries.

I spent the U.S. surplus and then bankrupted the Treasury.

I shattered the record for biggest annual deficit in history.

I set an economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any
12-month period.

I set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock
market.

I am the first president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.

I am the first president in US history to enter office with a
criminal record.

In my first year in office I set the all-time record for most days
on vacation by any president in US history.

After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, I
presided over the worst security failure in US history.

I set the record for most campaign fund raising trips by any
president in US history.

In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their
jobs.

I cut unemployment benefits for more out-of-work Americans than any
other president in US history.

I set the all-time record for most foreclosures in a 12-month period.

I appointed more convicted criminals to administration positions
than any president in US history.

I set the record for the fewest press conferences of any president
since the advent of TV.

I signed more laws and executive orders amending the Constitution
than any other president in US history.

I presided over the biggest energy crises in US history and refused
to intervene when corruption was revealed.

I presided over the highest gasoline prices in US history and
refused to use the national reserves as past presidents have.

I cut health care benefits for war veterans.

I set the all-time record for most people worldwide to
simultaneously take to the streets to protest me (15 million people),
shattering the record for protest against any person in
the history of mankind.

I dissolved more international treaties than any
president in US history.

I've made my presidency the most secretive and unaccountable of any
in US history.

Members of my cabinet are the richest of any administration in US
history. (The 'poorest' multimillionaire, Condoleeza Rice, has a
Chevron oil tanker named after her).

I am the first president in US history to have all 50
states of the Union simultaneously go bankrupt.

I presided over the biggest corporate stock market
fraud in any market in any country in the history of the world.

I am the first president in US history to order a US
attack and military occupation of a sovereign nation, and I did so
against the will of the United Nations and the world community.

I have created the largest government department
bureaucracy in the history of the United States.

I set the all-time record for biggest annual budget
spending increases, more than any other president in US history.

I am the first president in US history to have the
United Nations remove the US from the Human Rights Commission.

I am the first president in US history to have the
United Nations remove the US from the Elections Monitoring Board.

I removed more checks and balances, and have the
least amount of congressional oversight than any presidential
administration in US history.

I withdrew from the World Court of Law.

I refused to allow inspectors access to US prisoners
of war and by default no longer abide by the Geneva Conventions.

I am the first president in US history to refuse
United Nations election inspectors access during the 2002 US
elections.

I am the all-time US (and world) record holder for
most corporate campaign donations.

The biggest lifetime contributor to my campaign, who
is also one of my best friends, presided over one of the largest
corporate bankruptcy frauds in world history (Kenneth Lay, former
CEO of Enron Corporation).

I spent more money on polls and focus groups than any
president in US history.

I am the first president to run and hide when the US
came under attack (and then lied, saying the enemy had the code
to Air Force 1).

I took the world's sympathy for the US after 911, and
in less than a year made the US the most resented country in the world
(possibly the biggest diplomatic failure in US and world history).

I am the first US president in history to have a
majority of the people of Europe (71%) view my presidency as the
biggest threat to world peace and stability.

I am the first US president in history to have the
people of South Korea more threatened by the US than by their immediate
neighbor, North Korea.

I changed US policy to allow convicted criminals to
be awarded government contracts.

I set the all-time record for number of administration appointees
who violated US law by not selling their huge investments
in corporations bidding for gov't contracts.

I have removed more freedoms and civil liberties for
Americans than any other president in US history. In a little over two
years I have created the most divided country in decades, possibly
the most divided that the US has been since the Civil War.

I entered office with the strongest economy in US
history and in less than two years turned every single economic
category heading straight down.

RECORDS AND REFERENCES:

I have at least one conviction for drunk driving in
Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available).

I went AWOL from the National Guard.

I refuse to take a drug test or even answer any
questions about drug use.

All records of any SEC investigations into my insider
trading are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.

Records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP)
attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and
unavailable for public review.